Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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