fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
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