We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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