We're facebook friends in real life
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
