I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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