hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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