Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
