i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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