it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I need a beard to bite.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
