So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
