The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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