ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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