I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
So here I am, sexting at work.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
