i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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