you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
