If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
