so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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