i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Randomize
