You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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