you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
