I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
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