I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
