I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
