I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
