When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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