I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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