Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
