It's like God shit irony all over that family
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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