Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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