dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
