I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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