I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
