I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
