I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
farters have to be the big spoon...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
