32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
