Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Even my vagina gasped.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize