bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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