If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
