My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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