I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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