We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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