I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
