I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
