So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
