i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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