I hope mine doesn't look like that
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
