I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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