yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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