chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
