DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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