u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
