Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
