i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize