We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
