Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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