So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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