Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
