i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Randomize
