umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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