4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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