Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
