Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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