im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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