dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
