she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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