the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
