She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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