I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He passed out mid-signature
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
