She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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