So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
