I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
