P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
