I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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