I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
