i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize