You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
