My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
