I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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