I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
