i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
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