pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
