so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
