It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
