shes about as inviting as chlamydia
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
