we're blogging at a bar
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize