so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
