My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
