Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
