Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
