Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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