Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
