Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
