I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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