yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
