omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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