found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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