he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
