We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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