my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
it's like iHOP with fire
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
