i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I could fuck to npr.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
