You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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