i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
