Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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